That Weird Post About Dreams

A couple weeks ago, Mom and I were comparing notes on our dreams while cooking supper.  In the course of this conversation, I casually mentioned my ‘dream announcer’:  a Faceless Bloke who says stuff like “as you know, Bob” while providing backstory and local color à la Jim Nance.  

Mom had never heard of a dream announcer.

Which means y’all probably haven’t heard of him, either.  Let me back up a bit.

The storylines of my dreams are often so convoluted–so utterly wild–that even my own brain can’t keep pace.  I think that’s how the dream announcer was born.  His job consists of briefing me (the Dream Protagonist) on what’s currently happening, what has happened, and what will happen in the future.  He often shows up at the beginning to set the stage, then fades out for a while; but he may pop up again towards the end if a particularly tricky situation requires explanation.  

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I’m not surprised that my dream announcer wears headphones, talks like Jim Nance, and never seems to appear without his buddy Bob.  It’s the inevitable by-product of viewing thousands and thousands of hours of Olympic sports and professional golf as a kid.  [I had four brothers, okay.  😛 ]  What DOES surprise me is what a sneaky l’il rascal my dream announcer can be, when he wants to.

Because a lot of the “backstory” he provides basically amounts to implanting false memories . . . and I’m not sure how I feel about that.

*side-eyes Faceless Jim Nance*

Here’s how he does it.  The context of my dream dramas often stretches back several years, or even longer.  So the announcer will begin, “Hey, Katie, remember that time in July 2011 when we bought three purple alligators with pink spots from a Chinese crime boss and then they escaped into the Florida swamps,” and my Dream Self will be like “ah yes, continue.”  In such a case, my dream assignment will hinge on recapturing the escaped purple alligators so they can’t lay waste to Miami–while keeping them out of the clutches of the aforementioned Chinese mobster.  All fine and dandy.  Normal dream stuff.

The problem is . . . I wake up.  And I have to sort out the reality from the fantasy.  Which is harder than it sounds.

I don’t mean I wake up and wonder, “did I really spend all last night rescuing three purple alligators?”  I know that’s just make-believe.  My issue is, I wake up and wonder “did I really purchase three purple alligators from a Chinese crime boss in 2011?”

And–if so–ARE THEY STILL OUT THERE SOMEWHERE?!?!

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*hyperventilates slightly*

I have a fuzzy memory at the best of times, okay???  I can’t account for all my movements in 2011!  Heck, I can’t even account for all my movements last week!  It legitimately gives me anxiety, having to root out the fake memories my dream announcer tries to slip into my head.  Not a whole lot of anxiety.  But still.  A little.

It’s even more difficult than I’ve made it sound; ‘cuz a lot of the fake backstory is more insidious, more subtle, than the example I’ve just given.  It’s often stuff that could actually be true.  Something along the lines of “you got into a fight with So-and-So’s sister about peanut butter cookies vs. Oreos four years ago, and she’s still mad at you for it.”  It requires LEGITIMATE EFFORT to wake up and puzzle over a) whether So-and-So even has a sister, b) whether I’ve ever spoken to her in my life, and c) do I owe her an apology for hurting her feelings over some stupid frickin’ cookie flavors.

*sighs*

I think this is a lingering symptom of my [multiple] anxiety disorders–seems like my anxiety has freer rein while I sleep than when I wake, given all the training that’s gone into eradicating it from my conscious life–so it kinda makes sense.  But it’s still irritating.  😛   I just wish my dream announcer wouldn’t be so doggone ambitious, y’know?  You don’t HAVE to work yourself up to such weirdly intricate plots, Faceless Jim Nance.  You don’t HAVE to reach all the way back to the early 2000s to come up with conflicts for my Dream Self to solve.

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A nice, simple quest to find the world’s only six-headed dragon would be just fine.  

16 thoughts on “That Weird Post About Dreams

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  1. Your dreams at least sound entertaining. I almost never remember mine — maybe 1 out of a 100. But of the ones I remember, I’ve never had a narrator. 😀

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    1. That’s what Mom says! She says she hardly ever remembers hers, beyond a vague impression of “gee, that was really weird.”

      The absolute worst thing is when I get a really smashing story idea in one of my dreams and then I FORGET ALL THE DETAILS when I wake up. That’s happened many times.

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      1. Aww, that’s terrible. They say keep a pen and notebook by your bed, but it doesn’t help if you forget everything as soon as you wake up. 😛

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      2. Plus, the things I do remember when I wake are so . . . nebulous and disconnected that I’d just be staring at the notebook like, “wut? lizard-skin gloves and strawberry shortcake? and how pray tell was THAT supposed to be the makings of an epic story?” 😉

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  2. XD XD XD Honestly, that dream announcer thing is pretty funny. 🙂 For me, my dreams get context from previous dreams. So I’ll have a backstory dream, and then like thirty seconds after it the main dream begins. It’s both convenient and annoying, because then I’ll get confused whether the first one happened. *facepalm*

    This was really interesting! (And I DIED at that Alexander Hamilton meme. XD)

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    1. It is funny, haha! Annoying, but funny . . .

      Oh yeah, my dreams do that, too–refer to backstory from previous dreams. The funny thing is, though, 99% of the time I’m pretty sure I’ve never ACTUALLY had the ‘backstory’ dream my announcer is referring to. He’ll be all like “yeah so remember that time you dreamed about . . .” and then, once I wake up, I’m like “sorry, dude, but I never had any dreams like the one you described.”

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  3. Ah, the infamous dream-memories. Those are the worst, and (speaking from experience) I agree, it is quite confusing to sort through them. When I was little, I frequently visited my parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night to make sure they hadn’t gotten taken by dragons or anything else of the sort. XD

    Emily | growingintofriends.com

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  4. I have super vivid dreams and sometimes I get into fights with people in them, and I’m always wondering if it actually happened. So I understand it a bit. Yours sound like a bit more fun though.

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  5. Yeah dreams are so weird. 😅 But wow, the idea of a dream announcer blows my mind! These days I don’t remember hardly any of my dreams which is rather boring.
    Two of the weirdest dreams I’ve had were when (1. Once I had music in my dream (which I don’t usually) and it was this modern Christian worship song sumg by a guy but I SWEAR I HAD NEVER HEARD IT BEFORE. I woke up thinking “wow! That was a great song… I might have a big hit on my hands!” But so u think I could remember the lyrics?! And then (2. I once had a dream where I was basically a camera (like how a movie is filmed) and the camera turned onto ME and I was looking at ME! Freaky! It even zoomed in and changed angles and moved around the room. (I was lying in bed… I think in a hospital bed?)
    But yeah most of the time my dreams are really lame. 😂

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